Posted in Love, Own Story, Uncategorized

The Beginning of the End

He said he needed time to think about our relationship. That was louder than the bomb that has been dropped at Nagasaki and Hiroshima during the World War II. I thought everything was perfect. Wrong.

When he whispered, “I love you,” my world turned colourful and I saw fairy dust in the air. Loving someone and being in a relationship are probably one of the greatest aphrodisiac in this life time. You savour every moment and you’re magically taken to a place you’ve never been before.

I loved it when he opened the doors for me and treated me like a princess. How he gently stared at me every time, gave me butterflies in my stomach. He would look at me sweetly and give me kisses. We would share jokes and laugh together happily as a couple.

Fast forward to the day he became cold and indifferent. I don’t know what to do or say to him, because I don’t want to drive him away. I was never good at confrontations. I was scared to lose him. What went wrong? What have I done wrong? Did I upset him? How could I fix it?

So, he wanted his space and I gave it to him. And by giving it to him, he will realize that he loves me and we can look into our differences. Wrong again.

After a week of endless wallowing in my tears, various distractions and late night contemplation, he finally sent me a text. “Good morning, how are you?” My heart jumped. Would he say he missed me? Would he say he loves me and will stay with me? Will we find a way to iron out our differences? But, no. He wanted to meet and talk in person. Suddenly, my heart started to throb very fast. I know I would’t like what he will tell me, so I told him to call me and just tell me over the phone. He called me. The conversation was very casual. I went directly to the point and asked how did his “thinking about our relationship” went? He just replied with zero emotion, “I’m sorry, I don’t think we can continue.” I was shocked.

I did see it coming but when I heard those words, I just became speechless. It’s real. Oh, is this happening? I wanted to sob but I told myself to be strong. I asked him what was his reason and I couldn’t remember the exact words he said. I just knew that what it meant was he doesn’t love me anymore. Initially, we had a discussion about our differences and these were rubbing off a bit, according to him. That I don’t do what he likes to do and he doesn’t want to do what I like to do. And oh, that I wanted to have a kid some time in the future and he doesn’t. Not in his plans, not going to change.

At that point, I wasn’t able to dissect the situation. I just said okay and began sobbing. I ended the call and I was left alone in my room trying to absorb what happened.

The process of moving on was difficult. You meet a person who became your world, shared your everyday experiences with and loved unconditionally; and the next thing you know, they’re a total stranger. You’ll wonder what went wrong and blame yourself for the end of the relationship. You’ll try to reason out for this person and lose all your rational thinking because you want to convince yourself that it’s still going to work. You’ll remember all the good memories you had and cry at the end realizing that it has already ended. Gone. It’s a done deal. He left you. He dumped you.

This person who you gave your heart away to and treated with utmost respect did this to you. He doesn’t care what you think or how you feel. He doesn’t take into consideration if you’ll be hurt or break your heart. He doesn’t even ask how you felt and only cares about how he feels. He is a self-serving human being. He doesn’t care about you, he just cares about himself!

What to do? Move on! The end of this relationship is a beginning of endless opportunities to explore the world of single-hood. Embrace it while it lasts. Keep your head up high. You’re beautiful, kind and sweet. You will find a person who would appreciate what you can offer and treat you like a fragile glass. The end of a relationship is not the end of your happiness. It teaches a lesson of strength, self-improvement and determination. Yes. Embrace it. Most importantly, cut yourself some slack and don’t blame yourself. It was never your fault. Some things just don’t work out the way we wanted them to. This is just the beginning. Smile and move forward.

 

Posted in Own Story, Uncategorized

Mantra

Life is easy. Wrong. Years ago, my perception was as a simple as this. After finishing my Nursing degree back home (Philippines), I felt as if I own the world. The experience was surreal. I was dreamy and then comes defeat. And then you’re doomed, the light at the end of the tunnel seems to be getting farther and farther.

For many reasons, I gathered myself up and tried to overcome these hurdles. If one is unlucky, I would consider myself the superlative of those. Surely, if I didn’t survive those storms, I would have been 6-feet under (just an exaggeration).

My aunt would always lecture me on how ‘real life’ is. Those two words always rang my ears, repetitively. So there would be times when I have to mumble in tears, self-pitying. Why, though? You can’t force the universe to just make everything happen, according to your own inclination. It just doesn’t happen that way. It’s magically designed to fall into place according to its rhythm.

So, what now? Now is the time to embrace what lies ahead. Savor it, live with it and continue those efforts. The fruits of your labor would surely give you the greatest accomplishment you will ever encounter. Be grateful. Spread those wings and look unto the world, tell yourself, you are more mature, sensible and strong. Live each day with gratitude and humility. Love, there’s so much to give and be taken in return. Life will be fantastic starting from now. Don’t forget, goodness is vital, it’s your secret ingredient to life’s complicated recipe.—ANNE

 

Posted in Own Story

Untitled

It seems like I’m walking in a very long tunnel. Dark and cold. The light’s too far away from my grasp. If only I could put an end to what I’m feeling. Not what you’re thinking, but there comes a time when you feel as if you’ve been stripped with all the happiness in the world, then you become numb and cold like the tunnel I’m walking in right now.

For years, I’ve been struggling. For what, you may ask.Β  Struggling to fight away the meanness and insensitivity of people who surround me. I give in, rest my case or walk away from endless bickering & nagging which makes me the coward and the underdog. I’ve done this a few times, not just a few, but many times. There would be no point in explaining at all. You can never defend yourself to a person who can’t hear you (or doesn’t want to listen to you).

I don’t need to be constantly reminded of what I should do and what should have done. There are quite a few things that should just be left alone. Mistakes should be buried, or learn from. Once stumbled, you rise up and not repeat history again. My battles are my own and I should face them alone.

Posted in Own Story

Blogging Again After a While

It’s been a while. I miss doing this. I love writing everything that goes through my mind. Being able to say what you want through writing, gives you a louder voice. Play with words, experiences and own views. It may not be appealing to some but at least you were able to take your point into a piece of artwork, at least, it was yours. It’s free.